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149 - Balancing Marriage And Business...

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Balancing Marriage And Business…

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Episode Recap:

A response to a Facebook message about how we balance our family life.

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Best Quote:

She was the only one that I could have married that would have made it so that I could – she was the only one that was like OK with me gambling and risking time and energy and money on crazy ideas and not tear me down because of it. And just be OK like, “Hey, if we’re broke, I don’t really care. I just want to hang out with you.” That was kind of her attitude. That was a big part.

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Transcripts:

Hey everyone! This is Russell Brunson and welcome to Marketing in Your Car.

Hey everyone, hope you are having an amazing day. I have a lot of cool stuff happening over here. It’s been keeping me busy all day and all night and haven’t had a ton of chance to share stuff with you guys so I want to jump on here.

I’m having a lot of fun with periscope though lately which has been really, really cool. And so, if you guys aren’t periscoping yet, go do it, and if you’re not following my periscope yet, now is the time. If you go to blog.dotcomsecrets.com, you can get all the old episodes of all my periscopes, all the Marketing In Your Car podcasts, everything good is there. So go check it out.

All right. So for today, I had a really cool question that I wanted to kind of try to answer. It’s not something that’s like super easy to answer and maybe I’ll do a follow-up podcast like this one time when my wife is in the car with me. Someone asked today on Facebook and said, “Russell, how in the world you do all the stuff you’re doing and your wife still loves you?” which is a good question.

And again, it would definitely be good for her to chime in on this because she doesn’t or maybe who knows. But I want to kind of share from my perspective some stuff because it’s hard. I want to preface it by saying a quote from a guy named David O. McKay and he said that no success can compensate for failure in the home. And I do believe that. And so first and foremost before anything else, always remember that.

That should be something we all print out and hang on our wall at the office so that we remember what the goal is, right? I’ve seen people who have lost their marriages because of business, because they’re trying to achieve this thing and because of that they miss out on their family and their spouse and all these other things. And so, that’d be kind of a big initial thing to really make sure you have your priorities because that’s the most important.

I had a friend recently who was having some marital issues because of his business and he said, “How in the world does Collette let you do all this stuff all the time?” And talked about how like they were having real, real struggles to the point where like this may not last forever. And I told him, I said, “Man, if I were you, I’d quit business then, because business is stupid. It doesn’t really matter. It’s just this thing that we do to keep us busy throughout the day. The only thing that really matters is our family, is our wife, our spouses, and things like that.” I’m a big believer in that.

So like if there ever a time that business comes between your family, you got to walk away from the business. I’d rather go bankrupt than go through a divorce. That’s like how I feel about it. And so, just know that that’s the driving force.

Now with that, like now that we’ve got some ground rules. We know what’s the most important thing is now and where our boundaries and how do we create boundaries that everyone is going to be OK with. So for me, this is a lot of learning and a lot of unhappy wife moments that have kind of brought me to this spot now, where I feel like we’re really in a good spot where things are happening.

And so, I want to kind of share some of the insights that I’ve got. So maybe I’ll have Collette come on some time and share some of her insights because they’re probably the opposite of what mine are.

But one of them is, depending on where you are in your life right now, is picking the right spouse. I’m a big believer in you can only be as successful as your spouse will allow you to be.

I’ve got friends who are great entrepreneurs who flat out, their spouses weren’t OK with the time away. And because of that, they had to quit and not do what they wanted to do. And so, a lot of it is in the selection of your spouse ahead of time.

Now, that’s not everything, which is good because I don’t think my wife by default right out of the gate was probably that way. In fact, we had early on had a lot of issues where I think I drove her nuts but she – I did pick an amazing woman. I told her and I believe this deeply that if I had married any of the other girls that I dated in my past, I don’t think that this company and what I do would have been possible. It wouldn’t have.

She was the only one that I could have married that would have made it so that I could – she was the only one that was like OK with me gambling and risking time and energy and money on crazy ideas and not tear me down because of it. And just be OK like, “Hey, if we’re broke, I don’t really care. I just want to hang out with you.” That was kind of her attitude. That was a big part.

Another big thing for me is she has to be aware of my schedule. I used to be at the point where I’d be working and all of a sudden it would like 8:00 o’clock and then I call her, “Oh, sorry I’m late. I’m going to be pulling an all-nighter tonight,” which wass really, really bad. But if I tell her in advance, far enough in advance like if I say, “Hey, later – next week, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, Todd and Dylan are flying to town. We’re going to have a hack-a-thon, you’re not going to see me those nights.” And as long as she knows that in advance so she could prepare for it, she is usually OK with that. I’m sure she doesn’t love it but she is OK with that.

I also try to be very particular on those days when I’m gone a lot like all the guys are going out to eat, I’m not going to go out to eat with them. I’m going to race home and try to spend an hour or two with her and the kids just showing that I’m there and that I care and because that’s important. That’s key. If everything is just focused on the business is not a good thing for anyone. So that’s a big part of it.

Another big part for me and I know this doesn’t work in all relationships. A lot of people, their spouses are intimately involved in the business, some aren’t. With me, my wife is not intimately involved with it. And I think that honestly, that has kind of served me as a good thing where she – it’s separate. Like there’s a big separation from the two. And so, I’m able to kind of run the business the way that I see fit and she runs the home the way she sees fit.

And because of that, we kind of each – like we have our roles in it. And as long as I don’t do anything stupid that affects what she is doing, she is pretty much fine with most things. Even when our business had ups and downs, one thing that I tried to remain consistent is I needed to have her – for her to have certainty. And certainty is such an important thing for most people especially women.

And so, everything else – my entire world was collapsing around me. I was firing people left and right. I was doing whatever I could to save it, I was working all those times but I was very consistent to make sure that it didn’t affect her, which isn’t always possible but I make sure that she was making the same amount – has consistently like I didn’t want to lose that. And that was a big thing for her. And so, she didn’t feel the brunt of a lot of that which made it OK. That was a big thing.

I think another big part for spouses is like having belief and faith that the sacrifice you’re putting is going to be worth it. And I think you are really making sure that it’s something that they want as well. I think that some of the issues my wife and I had earlier on in our marriage were about that where I had these goals. I was trying to get stuff. And she – and one day I came home and I was like stressed and she was just like, “I don’t – like those things don’t matter to me. I just want you to come home and be with us and with the kids. That’s what I want.”

And when I understood that. I was like, “Wow! I’m doing these things…” I feel like in my head, “I’m doing this thing for you and for the family.” And the reality is you’re doing it for the most part for yourself if you’re completely honest. And so, just being very aware of that making sure that you’re doing things for the family and not just for yourself is a big piece of that.

So anyway, those are a couple of different ideas that hopefully will help a little bit. Obviously, it’s not everything. There are a lot more things. But hopefully, that kind of gets you thinking in the right direction. I’ll do a follow-up on this next time I’m driving with my wife and get her feedback from her corner and see what she says as well.

So, I’m at my daughter’s soccer practice now and I’m watching her. She is amazing this year. She has been really fun to see. So, I’m going to watch her for a while and then I will get back home for dinner.

So I appreciate you guys listening in. I hope you got something of value for today. And we will talk to you guys all again soon. Thanks everybody.

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