If you really want to be successful, you need to learn how to be coached. On this episode Russell speaks directly to those of us who were a little hurt by his last episode about extreme ownership. He tells us why we feel the way we do, and what we need to do in order to become coachable. Here are some of the insightful things to listen for in this episode:

-- Why Russell thinks if you were hurt by the previous episode, you need to hear this message most.

-- How Russell learned to be coachable.

-- And why you need to become coachable in order to be successful.

So listen here to find out if you are coachable, and what you need to do to become that way.

I think a lot of times people that haven’t been obsessed about it, or they haven’t been in a super high level coaching before, they kind of go through a pattern. So I’m going to talk about that pattern because I think a lot of people get this, and I saw just over the last couple of days from the podcast that I did put out. And first off, I just want to say with any podcast I’m putting out, the only reason why I publish something, it’s because I know it’s not one person struggling with it, because there’s a lot of people struggling. If it was one person I wouldn’t publish a whole episode about it. When it’s a pattern that a lot of people are struggling with, that’s when I make an episode. I don’t want to just serve one person, I want to serve a thousand or 5 thousand, or ten thousand, however many I can reach with my voice.

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Hey everybody, this is Russell Brunson. Welcome back to the Marketing Secrets podcast. Today this is going to be kind of a continuation of last episode. I did a little bit of a rant, but today I want to talk about how to be coached.

Alright so, I know that when I stepped into this role of marketing nerd, I don’t know, chief marketing nerd at Clickfunnels, the person who is coaching other entrepreneurs in how to market, I forget sometimes that I grew up being coached a lot like in wrestling and other sports, and so many aspects of my life. When I got in this business and started hiring coaches, I hired relationship coaches for Collette and I, I hired business coaches, I hired personality coaches, personal development coaches. I’m just a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to hiring coaches, because I’ve seen the value of having a coach.

And I forgot about the pattern that most people go through. I’m sure I went through it as well, but what happens is, and again, because I think we come in this world sometimes and I try to coach people and it’s interesting because they’ve never been coached before, or not to the level where they thrive off it, and obsess about it, and desire. Most of the people that I know that are really, really successful, have coaches and they love it, and they thrive off of the feedback, and they get some feedback and they’re like, “Yes!”  and they just run with it because they’re so excited that, “I paid for this feedback, I got it from this person I trust and I just run with it.”

I think a lot of times people that haven’t been obsessed about it, or they haven’t been in a super high level coaching before, they kind of go through a pattern. So I’m going to talk about that pattern because I think a lot of people get this, and I saw just over the last couple of days from the podcast that I did put out. And first off, I just want to say with any podcast I’m putting out, the only reason why I publish something, it’s because I know it’s not one person struggling with it, because there’s a lot of people struggling. If it was one person I wouldn’t publish a whole episode about it. When it’s a pattern that a lot of people are struggling with, that’s when I make an episode. I don’t want to just serve one person, I want to serve a thousand or 5 thousand, or ten thousand, however many I can reach with my voice.

So you know, the lesson from the last podcast episode about extreme ownership, and about publishing and being consistent, it wasn’t advice for one person, that was advice for thousands of people who are struggling. So I want to kind of put that out there. Number two, same thing with this. This is specifically because I saw the reaction from one person, but this coaching for everybody, otherwise I wouldn’t put it out there. I wouldn’t waste my time, or your time, or anybody’s time.

Anyway, so what typically happens when somebody is newer to being coached or whatever, the first thing the coach says, “Hey you need to change this.” The first, what do they call that? I know with, what is it? First there’s denial, and grief, and like grief suffering, or whatever, there’s the different layers of what happens. First you grieve and then you get angry, there’s this whole process. It’s kind of the same thing with coaching, I’ve noticed.

When I first start working with entrepreneurs, or somebody I’m like, ‘This is what you gotta do.” And I give them harsh feedback, like it’s not working right, this is how to change. The very first thing is people get their feelings hurt. “Oh you’re attacking me.” Like, “No, no, no you don’t understand. You hired me to be your coach. This is, literally you paid me to do this thing for you. There’s nothing personal here. There’s no personal. You paid me to look at you, find the flaws, and try to fix them. I’m doing that.” I think the first phase of someone who’s knew to coaching, “Oh my gosh, you’re attacking me.” No, no, no I’m not attacking. You paid me for this. You asked me to look at your problems and to fix them. That’s at the first phase and I think a lot of people go through that, where they’re like, “Oh my gosh you kind of personally attacked me.”

In fact, my guess is for any of you guys who listened to this podcast or any of mine when I say something that kind of irks you, where you’re just like, ugh, and you get angry or frustrated or whatever, that’s why. It’s because you’re out of alignment with what you’re supposed to be doing. And you hear it, it’s like, “Oh.” I’ve said that before on other episodes, like, “If you’re upset with this episode, it’s probably for you.” Because that’s the first phase of it, that.

So that’s the first phase, then the second phase is people come back and start trying to rationalize what they did, “No, no, no, I kind of did it. I’m doing this.” Then they come back with this rationalization of, “I’m doing, it’s just not working.” And come back to that, trying to again, take the blame off of them, which comes back to the whole extreme ownership thing I talked about in the last podcast episode. They’re trying to take the blame off themselves because it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel good when someone’s coaching you and telling you, and pointing out, “You did this wrong. This is the step, this is where you need to tweak, and where you need to change.” So they try to take the ownership off themselves and come back and be like, “No, I did that, there’s just some other external thing besides me that’s causing this problem. So that’s the second phase of this, of people being coached.

And then from there it usually splits off in one or two directions. One direction is that people end up saying, “Screw you, coach.” And then they just walk away and that’s where the relationship ends. And the second side is they humble themselves and be like, “Oh my gosh, I did pay you for this advice. You are my coach, I do trust you, therefore I will succumb to your ideas and do what you said. And that’s kind of the other tier.

So that’s kind of the process I see people as they go through coaching. Number one, it’s embarrassing for them, so they take it personal. Number two, then they get defensive, “No, no I am doing it kind of, just not right. I’m doing my best.” And then number three is one of two directions, one is “Screw you coach, I hope you die.” Or number two, succumbing to the advice and saying, “You know what, I did pay you for this, you’re probably right, let me just go and do it.” And that’s when they take extreme ownership and actually do the thing.

So that’s kind of the path, and I forget because, you know, right now I’m coaching my boys on the wrestling team and I see it right now with the kids. Where they come out there and do a move and I’m like, “Uh, you did it wrong.” And they’re like, “Coach, why…you told me I did it wrong in front of everybody.” I’m like, “Yeah, because I’m not trying to just teach you, I’m trying to teach everyone on the team, because you weren’t the only person that was wrong, I just spotted you and I pointed it out. I’m showing it so the entire team can learn this process together.” So that’s the first thing.

Then we come back and the second phase from the kids is like, “No, I did do it coach. I did it right here. Here’s the move. I did it.” I’m like, “Technically you did it, but you did it wrong. That’s why I’m pointing this out. Your elbows were in the wrong position, your footwork was off. You did the move, you just did it wrong. You didn’t pay attention. That’s why we’re breaking it down.”

Then the third phase is like, “Screw you coach. I’m going to do it this way because that’s the way I did.” Or “Okay coach, how did that work? Walk me through it again, so my elbow was up? My feet were in the wrong position, right?” and that person is coachable, that’s a person that takes extreme ownership and they’re coachable. And I can help them, they become a better wrestler, right. And the same thing is true in business, the same process.

So as I posted that episode a couple of days ago, I saw the pattern. They came back and said, you know, feelings were hurt, then defensive, and then now that person who is listening is probably at the crossroads of “Screw you, Russell. I hope you die.” Or “Oh my gosh, I’m going to take extreme ownership and figure out how to listen with 100% accuracy.” And it’s up to that person to decide what they want to do, and it’s up to you, honestly.

Like I said, the more you get coached, and the more you’re open to it, and the more willing you are, the faster you skip through the other phases. I’m at a spot now when I hire someone to coach me, I want that pain. I’m paying for this pain. I’m not going to get defensive, I’m not trying to show, “I did do that.” I’m just going to stop, shut up, and listen and be like, “Okay, how can I be coached? What did I do wrong? This person obviously knows something different, they’re looking at it from an outside perspective, they care about me, I put their, I put my trust in them, therefore I’m going to trust them, and I’m going to listen.”

So for you the faster you can get to that point and skip the other ones, the faster you’re going to be successful. It’s coming back and saying, look this is not personal so I’m not going to get defensive about it. I’m not going to try to justify how I kind of did it. Instead I’m going to listen and be like, “You know what? I’m paying for this person. This person has gone down this path, maybe from this outside perspective they’re seeing something different than I am, because I’m so close to it.” And then obviously not saying, “Screw you. I’m just going to walk away.” But saying, “Okay, I’m going to listen with exactness, I’m going to cut everything else I’m doing and just focus on the words you said, and not take it personal, and I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do it perfectly, just like you said.”

When I got better and better at wrestling, my dad and I would go seek out coaches. We’d drive all around the state of Utah to where we found out there were good coaches. We found out, “Hey there’s a good coach up in this city, this area.” And we would drive there, and I would wrestle with the coach and they would watch me, I’d show them film of me, stuff like that, and then they would just rip me apart. And I remember at first it was hard. I’d be like, “No, blah, blah, blah.” But eventually I was like, “I’m paying this. We came this way to learn from this dude. I’m just going to shut up and listen and I’m going to take every word of advice, and we’re going to go back and practice it. Even if I don’t agree with it necessarily, doesn’t mean I’m right.”

Even if I disagree with something, I can disagree with something and be completely wrong, and I’m paying this person for their advice, therefore, I will listen to it, I will be grateful for it, I’m just going to do it.

And I remember it was probably junior year in high school, which was the year I won my state title. And I remember my coach, his name was Greg Williams, he was my freestyle Greco coach at the time, he’s now the coach at UVU. But anyway, I remember I came off a match and I won, but I didn’t wrestle, I mean I thought I wrestled great because I won, so you know in my head it’s like, “I’m the greatest person in the world.” And he pulled me aside and said, “Russell, you suck at level changing.” I’m like, “What do you mean?” He’s like, “You need to do this.” And he kind of showed me this thing. I was like, ,”Okay.” So once again, I didn’t take it personal I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to try it.

So the next match I went out there and he told me to do these level change things, so I started doing level changings. And I did, I beat the next guy and I came off, and I just remember Greg looking at me and he said, “You know what? You are not the best athlete on this team.” Like, “What? Screw you coach, yes I am.” No, but he’s like, “You are not the best athlete on the team, but you know what you’ve got that most of these other people don’t?” and I’m like, “No, what?” He’s like, ‘You’re coachable. I tell you to do something and then you do it.” That’s it. That’s the big secret you guys.

That’s why for the last decade and a half I’ve been in this business, and the prior decade I was an athlete, I sought out coaching, and when the coaches said something, I shut up and I listened and did what they said. I put my own ego aside, I put away everything else, and if I wasn’t successful, again, it was me taking extreme ownership like, “Okay, I lost, or I won but I didn’t do as well as I wanted to. This is my fault, what does the coach have to say?” and I’d listen, and then I would do it.

That’s the big secret. The people that struggle are the ones who, they seek for coaching, they get it, and they go through these phases of like, defensiveness, and embarrassment. “Oh the coach called me out in front of everyone.” No, you’re paying the person to do that. What an honor. How lucky are you that of all the people that could have been there, you were the one that got the direct coaching. You’re the one that got the customized, personalized coaching. In a wrestling room when there’s 50 or 100 athletes in the room, the coach calls you out and stops everybody and shows, calls you in like, “Look at Brunson’s shot, what did he do wrong? What’s the reason? Where’s his…” Yeah, it can be embarrassing, but at the same time it’s like, “Oh my gosh, I got personal attention from this person. I figured out exactly…everyone else is learning in generalities, I’m learning specifically this is the mistake I made. And here’s how to fix it and the angles I need to shift to make it.”

So anyway, I just want put this out there for all you guys because you’re all here. If you’re listening to this podcast, or if you’re following me in any aspect, you’re getting coached by me, right, directly or indirectly. And as you hear things, there are going to be some things that cut a little bit, they’re like, ‘Oh, that sucks.” But again, if it hurts, that means I’m probably speaking directly to you. That’s number one. Number two, the faster you can get to just saying, ‘you know what? I’m going to go and do that thing.” Again, the more coachable you can become, which my definition of coach-ability is just getting past those 2 or 3 tiers and just listening, and with exactness doing what the coach says. That’s when you have success. That’s when I went from being an okay wrestler to being a state champ, to being an all American, to these things.

Business was the same thing. When I had my pride on the line, and I was seeking for coaching in my business, people would tell me, “Oh, oh no I do it this way. I do it this way.” I always have my own way to do things, but when I shut up and started listening and said, “You know what maybe this person knows more, maybe they care about me. Maybe I’m paying them to be my coach. I’m just going to do the exact way that they said.” That’s when I started having success.

So especially for you guys who haven’t been through intense coaching through athletics and other things, and you’re not used to that, become coachable. Get through it, get past the ego that’s going to be painful. Get past the defensiveness, get past the “Screw you, I hope you die.” coach, and get as quick as possible to “Okay, this is a learning lesson. This person cares about me, they’re doing this because they want me to be successful. What can I get from them? All these other feelings that are getting in the way of my success, let me get rid of these feelings and focus on the message at hand. What do they say? How can I do it?”

Coach tells me to do a level change, all I do is I level change in the next match, that’s it. And then what does my coach say, “Man Russell, you are so coachable.” because I just listened and I’d do what they say. So that’s the lesson.

I hope this is for, I hope everybody who needed this right now is listening, I hope this is good in any aspect of your life. And the other thing I would say on top of that is, seek out coaching. Collette and I hired Stacy and Paul Martino and went to their relationship event, why? We have an amazing marriage, but we want it better, so we sought coaching and we’re going out there, and we went together. And then Collette went last week by herself for 3 days for more. We’re seeking after coaching still in every aspect of life, even the aspects we’re doing good, because good is the enemy to great.

Anyway, I hope that helps. I just want you guys to be successful. Seriously, I don’t need to keep doing this. I’m set. The only reason I keep talking, the only reason I keep showing up, the only reason I wake up in the morning and go into the office is because I actually care about you guys. I’m not doing this to be a jerk, I’m doing this because I want you to be successful. So I keep sharing the things that I’ve found to be successful. And sometimes it’s not going to be comfortable, and that’s okay. It’s not supposed to be. If it was comfortable, everybody would be millionaires walking down the street having a good time. It’s supposed to be hard, supposed to be painful. That’s how you earn this stuff. You go through the process, you go through the pain, and the reward when you stick through it, when you humble yourself, when you listen, when you follow the process, you have success in the business.

So get past the ego and the feelings and those things as quick as possible and become coachable. Listen, follow with exactness, do what your coach says, trust them, believe in them, because you already asked them for their help. So when you get it, don’t shy away from it, don’t run from it. Embrace it with both hands and run with it, and be grateful that you had the opportunity to get the personalized stuff. Most people don’t get that all the time.

Anyway, I hope that helps. I appreciate you all, thanks for listening and go out there and have success. That’s all I really want in life. Go crush it. Go get the Two Comma Club award. I want to hand you an award onstage at Funnel Hacking Live, which by the way, if you don’t have your tickets yet, they are selling fast as we’re announcing speakers. We’ve sold out 5 years in a row and we will sell out again this year. So go get your tickets if you haven’t yet, at FunnelHackingLive.com. Get around some of the most amazing entrepreneurs in the world.  We all want to coach you, we’re there for you, we want you to be successful, and we’re dedicating tons of our time, effort and money. This even will cost me over 3 million dollars out of my own pocket to put it on for you, and you’ve got to pay $1000 for a ticket to show up.

So I’m putting my money where my mouth is, I want to make sure you are successful. And I am investing a lot in you, so now you’ve got to invest a little back in yourself to show up, get to the event, where we can change your life. So if you don’t have your ticket yet, go to FunnelHackingLive.com.

With that said, appreciate you all, thank you, and listen to your coaches. They care about you, they’re not here for their health, they’re here for yours so pay attention, do what they say, and if you do, you’ll be successful. Thanks so much for everything you guys, and we’ll talk soon. Bye everybody.