We spent the weekend serving with Matt and Caleb Maddix. Here are a few quick things we learned that have forever changed my life.

And I'm sitting there in the car, I'm the front seat, they're in the back seat. And in like five minutes I have been spending time with Caleb, I know more about my kids at this point that I've known my entire 15 years of their existence. I'm like, "How in the world?" Like, "Why don't you guys talk to me like that? Why don't you tell me these things?" And it was so cool because the first thing Caleb did is ask them like, "Where do you want to be in 10 years from now?" And it's funny because my kids' default answer was "I don't know."

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What's up everybody, this is Russell Brunson. Welcome back to The Marketing Secrets podcast. I hope you guys are doing awesome today. I just got back from Arizona, back from a wrestling practice, driving into the office. So many fun things I want to talk about. So with that said, let's cue the theme song. We come back, we're going to talk about friend groups, changing your identity, and whole bunch of other really cool things.

All right, so this last week has been amazing. Some of guys know I'm training for a wrestling tournament. I actually leave in two days from when I'm recording this to fly out to Florida. It's a three-day tournament day. Day number one is beach wrestling, which, come on now, that sounds insane. I've never done it before. Apparently, they draw a big circle in the sand, and you beat each other up. I'm so excited. So that's number one. Day two, just freestyle, and day three is Greco. Three different styles, and I'm excited.

I last time I wrestled was actually about two years ago, before COVID, and it was a tournament I went to, and it was the first time I actually competed at that point in 15 years. Hadn't competed since I was wrestling in college. And I went to that tournament, was planning on getting into shape, went to one practice, tore my neck out, and then just showed up to the tournament, and did all right. I had fun. And this time around, I was like, "Okay, let's try to prepare a little more." So I'm lighter, about 10 pounds, maybe 15 pounds lighter than I used to be, but I'm still in the same weight class, which is going to be frustrating because the next weight class is another like 12-14 pounds down, and I was like, "I'm not willing to do that." So wrestling guys will be bigger than me this time, but I'm in better shape this time. I had about a month worth of ... well, probably eight practices, but over three or four weeks, and anyway, so excited.

My body's sore, it's bruised, my ears are swollen, but I'm pumped. So anyway, I got to go to wrestling practice, I'm heading in right now, but anyway, last week, we had a chance to fly out to Arizona and do a couple of things. Number one is I spoke at Dean and Tony's Own Your Future Challenge, which is really fun. And then, after that, I brought my two kids out to kind of ... Two of my kids, I've got five kids. I brought my twin boys out there, and partially because I wanted them to see me working, right? Like I want them to see like, "This is what your dad does for a living. Look how cool this is. I have a chance to speak in front of half a million people virtually, right?" So I'm going to show him that.

And then, afterwards, I wanted to help them to, I don't know, just realize how good they have it. So we went out with Matt and Caleb Maddix, and we went out to the streets of Arizona, and we found a place where the homeless people live, and we had a chance to go out there and to feed them. And I'd never done some of that before, it was really cool. We literally drove to Little Caesars and bought a whole bunch of pizzas, to the grocery store, bought popsicles and drinks, and drove out there and parked and just handed out food to people. And we did two days in a row, and it was this really, really cool experience with my kids and everything. It was awesome.

But what I want to talk about in this podcast, because I have of stuff coming like, the last day we recorded a three hour podcast with a whole bunch of young entrepreneurs. I think that'll be an episode here soon and a bunch of other ... A lot of cool stuff. But what I want to talk about was just the power of who you're around.

And it's interesting, I'm writing my fourth book, as you guys know, and I've been trying to focus on like, "How do we create identity shifts? How do we become who we need to be to be able to reach the goals and things we have," right? And there's a lot of things, a lot of different levers you can pull to be able to come who you need to be. And so, there's identities, there's beliefs, there's rules, there's all these different things, and one of the people that I know who is really big in that kind of stuff is Tom Bilyeu. I actually texted him and asked him some questions about his beliefs on it, and then he messaged me back, and we ended up jumping on a call and talked about 45 minutes. Maybe I'll make call up podcast episode too. I don't know. I want to keep giving us all this cool stuff for hanging out with me.

Anyway, it was interesting because, in there, we talked about how do you change someone's identity and beliefs and their rules and their values and things like that. He said, "One of the most powerful things you can do is you take people out of their existing environment. You put them in a peer group of people they respect, and eventually they will become like those people." And he told me that in this interview, that's how he started. He said, before, he was spending 10 hours a day playing video games, all sorts of stuff, and he got this new peer group of people who were having success, who were doing all these things, and he said, "I spent enough time around them, and I eventually wanted their respect, and so I wanted to become like them."<

And now, he's Tom Bilyeu, who's crazy. Anyway, he's awesome. But he said, "If I was training your kids," he's like, "I would take them. I would go to a desert island, and instead, if I want them to become an ax murderer, I put them with a whole bunch of ax murderers, and, eventually, they would become like that person. If I wanted them to be an athlete, no matter which athletes, eventually they'll become like that person." And he's talked about like how the peer group and the people you're around, how much that affects identity and beliefs and your rules, your values, and all those kinds of things, so it's interesting.

So anyway, going into this trip to Arizona ... I don't know if you guys are teenager parents, but it's hard to be teenager parent. I love it, but man, it's hard. It's hard to motivate your kids to want to do things and get them excited. I try to figure out different ways to do it all the time, and it's hard as a parent because I don't know. It's funny, like no matter how cool other people think you are, your kids just think you're Dad, right? In fact, I had two or three times last trip people were like, "Yeah, you're so lucky that your dad's Russell." And the kids are like, "Why? He's just this annoying dad that talks about marketing and stuff," you know? But anyway, so it's hard as a parent to like, really ... I don't know. Like I do my best, but it's harder to get them to want to do the things that you want them to do and hope that for them to do, right?

And so, it was cool because we went out to do this thing, we went out with Matt and Caleb. And Caleb was like the epitome of who my kids would want to be, right? He's successful, he speaks on stages, he's got YouTube channels, he's a podcaster, he's fun, he's happy, he's friends with all these successful people. And it was really cool because I brought my kids out there, and Caleb came and picked them up, and they jumped the car together. It's funny because I had spent two days with my kids trying to get them to talk. I asked them questions, they just kind of sit there. "I don't know. I don't know." Like, did they forget how to talk? Do teenagers don't know how to talk? And suddenly it was Caleb, this person who is similar to their age, someone in their peer group, someone who they aspire to be like, and they look up to, within two minutes, Caleb had them talking and sharing their dreams and their visions.

And I'm sitting there in the car, I'm the front seat, they're in the back seat. And in like five minutes I have been spending time with Caleb, I know more about my kids at this point that I've known my entire 15 years of their existence. I'm like, "How in the world?" Like, "Why don't you guys talk to me like that? Why don't you tell me these things?" And it was so cool because the first thing Caleb did is ask them like, "Where do you want to be in 10 years from now?" And it's funny because my kids' default answer was "I don't know."

And so, he asked them again, like, "Where do you want to be in 10 years from now? And 'I don't know' is not an acceptable answer." And it was crazy, within two or three minutes, each of my kids gave him where do they want to be in 10 years, and I was like, "Oh my gosh, that was so cool." And then, immediately, Caleb was not like, "Okay, well good luck." He was like, "Okay, for you to do that, first thing you need is need a mentor." And he looked at Dallin. He was like, "Dallin, what you're trying to do is what I do right now, so I'm going to become your mentor. I'm going to be your coach. I'm going to, blah, blah, blah." He's like, "Bowen, I got a friend who does exactly what you're trying to do, so he's become your mentor." And Caleb called the guy. He's like, "Hey, my friend here, he wants to be a hypnotist, and you're a hypnotist, and so can you come meet him? And can you become his mentor?" And the guy was like, "Sure."

Within an hour, he comes out, and all of a sudden he's teaching my son had him ask people, and also my son's like, "This is the coolest thing ever!" And then, Caleb's helping Dallin talk about speaking and motivation and all these things. I'm sitting here, I was like, "This is insane." For two days, I watched my kids light up. They're on fire, they're excited, they're talking about their dreams, their passions, and it was funny because something Dallin said. He's like, "You know, all those people I hang out," this is not telling me, but I hear him talking to Caleb, "Most of my friends, they don't have many motivations or goals or dreams, they just kind of sit around and play video games all day," and I'm sitting there, I'm like, "Literally, Dallin, that was you three minutes ago."

But he's seeing that because he already is not associating himself with an older peer group. He's associate himself with this peer group of people he's around now. Within a day of being around these people he loves and respects, looks up to. And anyway, it was so cool. It was so powerful. And there's so many lessons from this, but the one that I wanted to kind of think about is either for yourself or if you've got kids. It's like, "Who are they hanging out? Who are you hanging around with?" Right?

I'm sure you've heard it said before that your income will be the average of your five closest friends. And I definitely believe that's true. You'll be as successful as your five closest friends, you'll be as good of an athlete as your five closest friends. Whoever you're around is who you're going to level up to be like, right? It's like Tom Bilyeu said, "If you want to be an ax murderer, or go to an island with a bunch of ax murderers, eventually you'll become like them," right? Or if you want to be an athlete, or you want to be a biohacker or a tech person or a programmer, it's all about who you surround yourself with. And so for you, like that's the first thing I do is to make an introspective ... Is that the word? Like, look at yourself and be like, "Where do I want to go?" And like, "Are the people that I'm around, are they there right now? Or are they trying to get me there? Or are they holding me back?" You got to be completely honest with yourself.

That's the first thing. And if it's not where you want to be, it's like, "Okay, it's time to find a new friend group." Try to find people to be around that are going to pull you up. Doesn't mean have to get rid of your existing friends. You can still be friends them. That's awesome. But the key is like, if you really want to reach something and get there, you got to be around the people who think the way that you want to think, right? That's a big part of it.

And secondly, if you're looking at it from your kid's standpoint, man, I mean, my big "aha" this weekend is just like, no matter how hard I try as a parent, the most valuable thing I can do is probably not me trying to teach them or coach them. I mean, obviously, I got to set a good example and do the things that I believe are right. But I think bigger, so I was like, "Who are the people that they're going to look up to? Who are they going to be around?" Because by default, our friends pick their friends, and sometimes they pick friends that are probably not the right friends for them, right? But if you can help facilitate and find the right friends, how cool is that?

And the one thing that was really cool, I saw Matt Maddix, that's Caleb's dad, who kind of facilitated this whole thing. And it was really cool because he was there with Caleb and Caleb's friends, the one thing he told me in passing, he said, "I want to be able to mentor my son, so a part of that is I have to get to know my son's friends." He's like, "I try to be a mentor to my son's friends because I want to make sure that they're good people too." And so, all Caleb's friends we were hanging out with, they all love Matt, and Matt was coaching them and helping them and ... It was just so cool to see that. I'm like, "Oh, I got to be better at that. I need to become friends with my kids' friends. I got to be mentors them. I got to coach them. I got to help them because they're probably more likely to listen to me than their own parents, right?" Because I don't know why, but that's just how people work.

And number two, it's like if I want to help guide the ship for my kids, helping guide their peer group is a big piece of it as well. So anyway, I got so many good lessons from this weekend. I wish you could see the way that Matt and Caleb and this friend group do, Matt's trained all of them. He's like, "If you're with somebody, if you're in a room with somebody, great. You need to ask them questions." And so, people are asking me questions about everyday, question after question after question. Went to sushi dinner, and it was like 500 questions in an hour from all the friends and all the people.

But not only was it with me, it's like when went to the homeless people, and I remember there was a lady who was in a wheelchair, and first thing Matt does, he says, "This is my son right here. What advice would you give him?" And then, you ask questions like, "Man, you're out here living on the streets. It's got to be hard, but how do you keep your positive?" And I watched him drill this person, asking five, six, seven, eight, nine questions to this person who ... I wouldn't have thought to ask that person questions. It was so cool to watch them do it, and then watch that person light up and give feedback and inspiration. And I'm watching these amazing people out there who are teaching my kids about God and about Jesus and about hope and about faith and about the problems that got them there, and their dreams about how they want to get out of it. And it was just such a magical experience.

And I watched Caleb and Matt and all the friend group there as they went to every single person they met. Like with the waiter or waitress in every restaurant we went to, he was like, "Hey, this is my son here. What advice would you give them?" or like ... Oh, it was so cool to see. I wish I could have captured it all and put it in a bottle for you guys. But anyway, those are some of the lessons. Those were some of the things I saw that were just powerful, that were really, really cool. So anyway, like I said, I'm probably going to go deeper and do some longer form podcasts, kind of going more on some of these principles and stuff, but these are the gifts I want to give you just a top of my head right now, while I'm still thinking about it, that had such a big impact on me, on my kids.

So today, as I meet people, my goal is to ask more questions. There's so many cool things you can learn from everybody, especially the servers, the people around you, people that work for you, people you meet on the street, people you meet at a grocery store. I mean, they're asking the clerk checking us out. He was asking questions to the clerk. "How was your day today? What's going on? This is my son. What's the best piece of advice you could possibly give him?" Like to everybody, and I was like, "God, this is so cool."

And I start watching again, Matt starts to sing, then I watched Caleb do it, and I watched Caleb's friends do it. I'm looking at this group of kids, and I'm like, "Man, these guys are progressing so fast because they're getting everybody's best tips from the millionaires they meet to the people who are living on the streets and a million people in between." And it's just like, man, how much of a shortcut to success is that than trying to go and learn these lessons on your own? Asking questions. So anyway, it was amazing. I want to thank Matt and Caleb for hosting me and the kids. It was such a great experience. With that said, I'm going to get some work done because I got to go fly out and wrestle here in a day and a half and got a lot to do before then. So with that said, I appreciate you guys. Thanks For listening, and I'll talk to you guys all again soon. Bye everybody.