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501 - Creating Lasting Change...

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501 - Creating Lasting Change...

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How to inspire the people you love to change without forcing them to do it.

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What's interesting is that forcing people to have the same value as you literally, in most cases, repels them and makes them not want to have that value... You don't do it by demanding them, or forcing them, or setting up rules to keep them doing it, instead you do it by inspiration. How do I show them this is actually valuable in my life?

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Transcript:

What's up everybody? This is Russell Brunson. Welcome back to The Marketing Secrets Podcast. Today, I'm streaming to you from the Napoleon Hill room. Hey, what's up everyone? Yeah, I think I told you guys in the last episode or so how I basically bought in two or 3000 books, all in personal development. We had to move into this separate office while we're building our future library. What's cool about this is now they're in this little office with no windows or anything, and all the books are here and they're out. I've decided I'm going to start coming here every morning with the first two or three hours of the day and working inside of here, which is cool because it's given me chance to sit down and write the book, but also inside of that is to be able to like… as I'm writing the book, I have all the greatest personal development books of all time sitting here I can go look at.

I can read, I can flip through little magazines. I can get inspiration from Napoleon Hill himself and a bunch of other cool things. I'm really, really enjoying this and kind of geeking out. And that’s why I thought I’d do a podcast from here. Hope you don't mind because there's so many things I'm thinking about, talking about in my head that are going crazy. I had one this weekend that was... It was huge that I want to share with you guys.

This is interesting because I wish you had context. I wish all you guys were in Mexico with us at the Two Comma Club X Inner Circle/Category King Mastermind meetup because we had such a good time, but I had a chance to do this one presentation, which will become chapter one of the book by the way. When you get the book someday, you'll have a chance to go through this exercise. I'm not going to walk you through the whole thing, but it's been interesting because as I've been creating this whole thing with success and like, "How do you achieve what you want?" It's fascinating to me because there's all these things, right?

There's all these levers we can pull on and we can do and we can tweak. We start looking at it, there's like... Sorry, this is me jumping around, I did really interesting call with Tom Bilyeu and he took me down this path. I talked to this guy named Tal Tsfany who's the owner of the Ayn Rand Foundation, the CEO of the Ayn Rand Foundation and all these other people. All these pieces are trying to connect for me.

It's just like, ah, so fascinating. So exciting. Anyway, sorry, I tell you this because one of the big things that... We talk about beliefs and rules and values and identity and there's all these different pieces that are around it, but I never knew how to glue them all together and what was first and what was second and the chicken and the egg and all these kind of things. Right? One of my big realizations that I figured out before the mastermind event in Boise or in Mexico was that it all starts with our values.

For a long time, I was like, "Okay, what does that mean? What are values?" I don't even... Things that are valuable, things that I value and it wasn't until I talked to Tal, he's the CEO of the Ayn Rand Foundation. Ayn Rand is the one who wrote Atlas Shrugged and Fountainhead and all those amazing books. Anyway, so I talked to him and he told me about this exercise he does with people because Ayn Rand is big on values. That's like the leading thing she talks about. I was like, "How do you explain it? How do you understand it?"

He said, "What I do is if you understand the values, values are something that aren't a conscious thing, something subconsciously is happening that makes your brain," he called it the black box inside your brain happy. Right? He's like, "Most people don't know what that is. We just are walking around in life, bumping into things, hoping that we'll be successful and be happy." He said that Ayn Rand said that if we were to, I think he said if we spent 5% of our life looking introspectively at ourselves in our own mind that we'd be a society or nation of giants or something crazy like that. His whole thing is like, "We have to look inside, what is the things that actually make you happy?"

He invented this exercise that we did with our group. He said we had to create a value galaxy. The event, I gave everyone big little thing of sticky notes. I said, "Okay, what are the things you value, these things that make you happy?" It could be anything from reading a book or eating sushi or going on a date or making out or winning a wrestling match. What are all the things that bring you happiness? Like, seeing my kids... I gave them 15 minutes to write down as many values as they could think, anything that makes them happy, just to write those things down. Everyone wrote on these sticky notes and we stick them on the little board. Within 15, 20 minutes, everyone had 100 different values. It's like, "These are all the things you value."

I said, "How many guys, when you were doing that, you had these new a-has? I forgot about that. I forgot about this, the things I valued, but I totally forgot about them. I'm not doing them, I'm not spending time in them." I think everyone, including me, had kind of that epiphany of like, "Oh my gosh. All these things I actually value, I'm not focusing on." Right? Then, the next thing is, he said, "Okay," Tal said, "This is your value galaxy." Instead of from here, you got to figure out what are the value themes? If you look at all these sticky notes, they're probably grouped together in themes, right? All these 10 or 15 are all kind of related to my family or related to my mission or related to whatever those things are.

Right? He said, "Let's take this value galaxy and build it and move the sticky notes around to value themes.” So we’re creating these value themes, and when we were done, everyone had five or six value themes. These value themes were really cool because they were very much like, "I value my family. I value religion. I value personal development," whatever your things are. Right? It's interesting because the values are what drive us, right? That's the things that actually make us happy. It's not the goal that makes us happy, it's the value. It's the pursuit and the achievement of the value. Then, from there, we did a bunch of other cool exercises I'm not going to talk about on this podcast, but did some of the cool things with everyone in Mexico.

Then, from there, we looked at the five or six value themes that people had. From the value themes, they picked one value theme that was most important to them right now in their life. Maybe it's business or maybe it's family, maybe it's sports or whatever, picking that one value theme and then setting your goal around that one thing. Anyway, it was so cool. The big epiphany I had that was fascinating to me is I'm always trying to figure out like, "How do my kids be amazing people? How do I get them to, I don't know, to, I don't want to say… how do I get my kids to do what I want them to do?" That's not what I'm saying, but you know what I mean?

There's things that I believe, that I value that I want my kids to value as well. Right? Like my faith, my work ethic, these are things I value, I want my kids to value too. It's interesting because most of us, including me, for a long time until yesterday, note, but we try to force our kids to value what we value. Right? We don't know we're doing that. Instead, what we do is we set these rules and these guidelines, we force them to do this and we demand them to do this. We're trying to get them to do what we want them to do because we value it and it's important to us. We want it to be important to them too, so we're trying to force them.

What's interesting is that forcing people to have the same value as you literally, in most cases, repels them and makes them not want to have that value. Instead, it's like, "How do I inspire them to want to have that value?" For my kids, for example. I'm like, "You have to go to church, you have to read the scriptures, you have to blah, blah, blah," because I want them to value that, that's going to push them away fast. Instead, how do I create it so they actually value it? How do I create experiences and something so cool that they're like, "Oh my gosh, I value this too?"

You don't do it by demanding them, or forcing them, or setting up rules to keep them doing it, instead you do it by inspiration. How do I show them this is actually valuable in my life? How can I show this is valuable to their life? If I can get them to experience it or just see it or whatever, then they'll value it. After they value it, everything will take care of itself, right? Now they value it, they're going to do the things they need to have that in their life. If I'm not careful, me or you or any of us, are going to pull them off the tracks by trying to force these values on people or force your values on people.

Instead, it's like, "I need to create an environment where they see why it's valuable." Then, all of a sudden, it becomes valuable to them. It becomes a value to them. Does that make sense? I don't know if that makes sense to you guys, but I'm freaking out having this epiphany of like, "Oh my gosh, I've been doing parenting wrong. I've been doing all these things wrong my whole life." Because now it's like, "Oh, this is the key is helping them to value it, not to force them to do it or to set up rules or whatever, it's getting them to value it."

When you ask that question, it gives you a whole different answer, right? Now, it's like, "Well, I need to show them the value of praying. Let me show them the miracles that happened in my life and miracles happened in their life and that may help them to understand it. If they can see it and then they're going to start valuing it." Right? Let me show them the value of church. Church can be so boring most of the time. How do I make it valuable? Let me show them, if I can show them the value that I get out of it and then they're more likely to value it. Right?

You create experiences and they do value it. Anyway, that was my big epiphany was just like, "Okay." It becomes, at least in my head, this is way more fun of a game. This is a more fun way. This is a more fun game is how to create those kind of things. It was really cool. I had a mini experience yesterday with it that was kind of interesting. By default, this is kind of something broken inside my head maybe, a lot of you guys know, I was a wrestler, I was a good athlete and things like that. It was interesting because I wasn't like... I had friends who were just always active. They're running, they're doing stuff, and that wasn't me. When I was wrestling, I would try not to move the entire day.

I would just store up all my energy and then wrestling practice, I'd go crazy for two or three hours. I'd go crazy in the waiting room, and then I would not move again. I'd sit home and just watch TV or not move. My life nowadays is similar. I don't do a lot unless I'm going to go do something and if I do, I go hardcore. Right? I know if I'm going to work out, I have to shower afterwards because I'm going to be a mess. Right? I step back and I wouldn't jog from my office to my house. I would never do that. If I'm going to do that, I'm going to drive home. I'm going to get my change clothes. I'm going to go super hardcore for an hour and then be done.

A lot of times, unfortunately for my kids, I fall in this rut of after church, whatever, we're at home, we're like, "Okay, what are we going to do?" It's just like, "I don't know." I'm like, well, my brain, I just want to not do anything. We default to that, but I do value exercise, I do value doing things, but in my head, that's not my default. Right? Yesterday, one of our kids' friends came over and she's a super cool girl, really enjoy having her over. You can tell her and her family, they value outside activities. They're there and they're like, "Hey," my son is with her and like, "Hey do you guys want to go outside and play bubble soccer and we can play these things."

My first default's like, "No, I don't want to." I literally kind of like, I didn't say no, but I was just like, "Oh, maybe," and I kind of snuck away and laid down for a little bit because I was tired. Right? Then, I had this epiphany. I'm like, "If I want my kids to value outdoors and exercise and activities, I need to value it. If they don't see me value it, then they're not going to either." I was like, "Okay." I got up, got dressed. I was like, "All right." It was crazy, they'd already gone outside.

I went out there with them. I got the other kids out there and we ended up playing for three or four hours. We had so much fun exercising and running and playing games. When it was done, in my head, I was just like, "Oh my gosh, they saw that I value this and they had a good time, so they're going to value it. Then, they're more likely to go and do these kind of things more in the future and with their kids and things like that." I'm like, "That's how we create change."

Anyway. There's your exercise for all of you guys. Go sit down, figure out your value galaxy, build in the value themes, and look at the values that you want your kids to have, or you want your employees to have that maybe they don't have right now and then not force them into it, but how do you inspire them to create that as a value that'll be exciting and change their life as well? There you go. Hope that helps, hope it gets you excited. Got me excited. I'm still just freaking out because I'm so excited by it. I appreciate y'all for listening and I'll talk to you all again soon. Bye everybody.

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