Hey what’s up, everybody? This is Russell Brunson, welcome back to the Marketing Secrets podcast. I’m pumped to be with you guys here today. Today I want to talk about the difference between being frustrated and being curious.
Okay everyone, I hope you are all doing amazing, I’m excited to be with you guys here today. I’m talking about something interesting that came up in the conversation I had yesterday. I was talking to one of my coaches, she’s been someone who’s coached my inner circle members for a long time, she’s someone who now is coaching my executive team, and she’s also coaching me. Her name is Mandy Keene and she’s amazing. And what’s interesting, as we were talking about stuff she said something super fascinating that I’ve never heard before.
She said, “Hey, I was talking to John Parkes about you and there’s an interesting thing that you do that most people don’t do.” And I was like, “Oh, what’s that?” and she said, “Well, most people when they launch a funnel, when they launch a project or something and it doesn’t work, they get frustrated like, ‘why didn’t this work? I followed instructions, I did the thing, what’s wrong with it? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with….’ And they get frustrated with something.
“The most interesting and fascinating thing about you Russell is you don’t get frustrated, instead you get curious. When something doesn’t work, it’s almost like you get more excited when it doesn’t work because you sit back and you’re like, ‘oh, why’d that not work? What’s the reasoning? What was the psychology? Was it the process that’s wrong, was it the words, was it the message, was it the video, was I disconnected, did I not talk to the audience?’ You get curious about it and it opens up this whole new world of possibilities, whereas most people get frustrated and they want to walk away.”
And I had never, first off, I never noticed that about myself. Second off, now that I’m aware of that a little bit, I’m like, oh my gosh. What an amazing gift, what an amazing pattern to understand. So many of us go out there and create something, do something, we put it out there and if it fails, or our definition of failure, then we’re frustrated. And as soon as you get frustrated, it’s interesting, because you stop yourself. You can’t keep making progress when you’re frustrated. Because when you’re frustrated you’re putting it on somebody else. “Well, it was the market, the thing, the instructions were wrong, the process didn’t work.” We always have somebody else to blame it on, and that’s what causes frustration, you’re frustrated because it’s outside of your control.
And when you start shifting it instead and looking at it like, “Oh, this is interesting. I’m curious now. Why did that not work?” and you shift it. Instead of taking the control away, like you do when you get frustrated, you maintain control, you keep control. And now you’re in control like, “This didn’t work, this is exciting, I’m curious why it didn’t work? What do I need to change? What are the tweaks, what are the changes?” and it starts opening this huge world of possibilities for you.
And I think for me I really start looking back like, where did I develop that? It wasn’t something, I’m sure I wasn’t born with that thing. Most people, as kids, we get frustrated about every little thing we bump into. But what’s interesting is I was thinking about this, and I remember, and I’ve told this story to some of you guys before, some of you may have heard this before. When I was first wrestling, it was my junior year, it was the year that I thought I was going to be a state champ and I was so excited. And my very first match out on the mat, I went up there and wrestled and I lost to a kid that had taken 2nd at state the year before.
And I remember being devastated and broken and just like, all my hopes and my dreams and my aspirations were just shattered on the very first match of the season, and I remember being frustrated. And what’s interesting is my dad was up in the stands and he videotaped my match. And my dad, thank heavens, didn’t get frustrated, he got curious.
And that night I went home, I went to bed, and I was moping and sad because I was frustrated because it was outside of my control, this guy beat me, he was stronger than me, he was better than me. Whatever the excuses were, and it got me frustrated, and instead my dad was curious. My dad started watching the match and he watched it over and over and over and over and over again. And that night I don’t think he went to bed the entire night. When I woke up in the morning my dad had a smile on his face, he said, ‘I know how he beat you. I know how we can beat him.” I was like, “What?”
He’s like, “Come here.” And we got me down on the carpet in my house and he started drilling with me. And he’s like, “You shot here, and his hips went here. And you shot this, and this is what happened.” And I remember at first being annoyed because I’m like, ‘No dad, he beat me, he’s better than me.” I was frustrated. And then as my dad started showing me stuff, I started getting more curious like, ‘Oh, how did he do that? Why did that work?” and we watched it together.
And for the next 4 months, from the first match of the season until the state finals, every single day my dad and I were curious, we practiced, we tried to figure out how do we beat him, how do we beat him, how do we shift our hips, what are the little nuances, the little tweaks, the little changes we have to make to be good enough to beat him? I was no longer frustrated, I was now curious. And when I had curiosity I had control of the situation.
So I took that curiosity, and we started practicing and practicing and practicing. And 4 months later, the wrestling season in high school is 4 months long, the very first match of the season I wrestled this kid, and in the state finals I had him again. I hadn’t wrestled him any other times the entire season. I think I lost the initial match 9 to 3. In the finals I stepped out against him and wrestled him and ended up beating him 9 to 3. And the most fascinating thing is that thing he did on me, the move that beat me that I had never seen before, had never understood, that frustrated me because I don’t even know how to do this. And we became curious and we learned it and mastered it, I literally used the exact same move on the finals on him, that he had done to me 4 month earlier, and it was the move that beat him.
And it all comes back to the curiosity. So for you guys, as you’re going through life, and it could be anything, it could be business, it could be your personal life, could be relationships, could be family, could be school, could be a million things. I’ve seen it in athletics for me, I’ve seen it in business for me, I see it in my relationships with my wife and my kids and my friends, you see it over and over again where you hit into a wall, and the default your brain goes to is frustration. And the problem with frustration is it puts it outside of your control. I’m frustrated because these things I can’t control are there.
But instead if you shift to like, “Huh, why did that not work? Why did that conversation with my wife turn bad? Why did the thing I encountered with my employee, why did that not work? Why when I sold this thing did nobody buy? Why when I stood onstage did nobody run to the back of the room?” And you start getting curious, you start studying and looking at other people like, “What do they do different? Why did they get a table rush? Why were they able to grow a company when I wasn’t? Why were they able to have a better relationship with their spouse, or their kids, or their family, or their employees, or whatever it might be?”
And you start looking at it through a lens of curiosity, it changes everything. Because now you realize you do have control, in fact, you’re the only person that has control. And now you start looking at things differently, you start acting differently, you start becoming somebody different. And that is the magic of curiosity.
And so I want you guys to start thinking about that as you’re going through life. Every time you get frustrated to pause and just stop yourself, because frustration is a pattern. It’s a pattern we learned since birth and our default is going to slip back into that pattern, slip back into that patter. Because it’s like the pattern we know and that we feel comfortable with. It’s like, oh I know how to get, I know frustration. Frustration, I get there, I’m angry and I don’t have to do anything. But instead stop that pattern, Tony Robbins talks about patterns like a record. We have to stop it, we have to scratch the record, you break the pattern and say, “Look, I’m not going to be frustrated becauseI’m putting that control on somebody else. Instead I’m going to become curious. Why didn’t that work? What can I do differently? How can I change? What can I tweak? What can I learn? Who do I need to become to make sure this works the next time?”
We break the pattern, we develop a better pattern. If all of us can destroy the pattern of frustration and develop a pattern of curiosity, we’ll become better at all aspects of life, our businesses, our lives, our athletics, our sports, our friendship, our family, our relationships, all the things that matter, when we shift from frustration and start looking at things through the lens of curiosity.
So I hope that helps you guys today. And not just today, I hope it helps you from this point moving forward with your life. If you start looking at things through this lens and it starts today, and it happens tomorrow and next week, and next year, my guess is that it will shift the destiny of your life. So this could be just another podcast you’re listening to, another video you saw on Facebook or Instagram really, really quick, or it could literally be a turning point in your life, and I hope you’re taking it that way.
Anyway, it could change everything for you. Thanks so much, appreciate you guys for listening, and I’ll see you guys on the next episode. Bye everybody.